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Spontaneous, Somatic, Rediscovery...

It really is so much to explain.

To tell.

About how self-love came to me through signs.  Signals.

Sent from Universe no doubt.   From something Up Above.

All I did one time, while in the air, about 4 or 5 years ago …was say, “I am open to learning how to love myself.  It is time.  Now is the time.”


Next thing I know, I have a temporary home where I sit and study, night after night, day after day.

Coordinates.  A location.  The environment. 

I with it, it with me…so in love.  This place and I. 


Where the terrain is diverse and so are the people.


The sunsets so fucking romantic, even on their grayest of days…it could make the most independent woman cry. 


Me.

Each sunset.  Each time.  Usually off, outside, alone.  By choice. 


Sobbing.

Computing. Comprehending.

Understanding.

There is something…

Something bigger than myself.

Curiously confused. 

The awareness. 

Something bigger than myself.

Yet the only way to it;

Was through self.

But how?

It really is so much to explain.

How I went from a wounded, shame filled woman.

To who I am today.

A self-loving individual.

Dancing all over.

Right in the face of said shame. 


Unapologetic for my strong, healthy, beautiful, functioning, and ALIVE body.


I will no longer hide it. I will no longer hide.

It really is so much to explain.

How I went from a wounded, shame filled woman. 

To who I am today.

But I will begin here.

The root of the problem, the wound,

it sat in my bottom. 

And it was making me sick.

It is, what killed her.  My mother. After all.


They say it isn’t genetic. 


I say, I know.

It is ENERGETIC. 

Then, after a little of this and a little of that, I was able…I manipulated that core trauma. 

I shook it. 

I spread it. 

I wrapped it. 

I spun it.

All that dense energy. 

I spun it.

I wrapped it.

I spread it.

I shook it.

Right back into my very own bottom.

Red.

I used my body.

I used my memories.

I used the pain, I let it fuel me.

I let it set me on fire.

I used my innate & learned knowledge.

I used my energy.

I wrote.

I danced.

I freed myself.

I did that. 

Almost entirely in private.

For I was already ashamed and NOW scared –

Shocked at the phsyco-somatic response I was FINALLY having.

I didn’t even know what I was doing.

I just did it.

I showed up.

---

Tonight, I am thrilled to join forces with the opposite.

A woman on the other side of the hourglass in age and experience, comfort in “this kind of environment”.

To lead.  To go first.

Tonight, I am thrilled to take me, myself and I,

Out.

On the night when lovers are to love the most.

Tonight, I am thrilled to be loving myself alongside my sisters, who also,

will be showing in words and actions,

how they too, love themselves.

On the night when lovers are meant to love the most.

Through journaling and dancing.

With the other woman. 

With me. 

With each other. 

With a purpose.

Rediscovering the feminine.   

In a self-made sacred space.

Not alone.

But together.

Healing the root of the issue, sending and reciprocating signs and signals back to each other and out into the Universe.

Messages...

That although we don’t fully or even at all -- understand it,

we need to heal it.

The root issue.  

Which I do believe could be described in one word.

Misogyny. 

And although only one word…a very perplexing and complicated – situation.

A situation that must be tenderly approached through love.

First of self. 

And perhaps then, after that,

IF we so choose, then yes, others.

Shhh Mama.

Don’t fret.

It is, it’s your turn right now. 

I know.  I know.

Although only one word, a very perplexing and complicated – situation.

A situation that may be approached through tender love and then handled with a single, swift and sweeping action.

Through moving the body.


Movement is life as they say.


Move it.

Our memories.

Our mindsets.

For I believe:

The more of us that dance all over,

And in the face of shame,

The better.

The better to fight it with my dear, dear Sisters. 

But then again, why fight.

When truly, we don’t need to.

Why fight, when instead we can unite and there,

We will craftily manipulate it. 

For the better good.  For all. 

Tonight though, I start with me.

For the better good.  For me.

On the night when lovers are meant to love the most. 

I choose.

I choose to love me.  

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