"Sometimes, we call ourselves down for our disorganization in thinking and living.
But there is wisdom in the scattered thoughts, and I declare, there is no shame in the shadows!"
“Listen to your own lecture.”
This is something I learned from my mentor and therapist for over a decade now.
Since I started this practice of authenticity and of listening to myself,
seeking guidance when I needed it, I have done nothing except succeed in my quest of living,
FINALLY, a chaotic-less and peace-filled life.
So last night, as I sat outside among the crisp and clear glitters of the Chicagoland sky,
clutching my phone and feverishly poking at the letters that formed the words of comfort and advocacy regarding a friend,
and his need of self-care,
and of the importance of the practice of grounding,
I realized what I was doing.
I was not simply looking into a black digi box…
I was glaring into a looking glass.
***
It astounds me how time travels.
What really impresses me though, is how sometimes, I can see myself traveling in and among it!
I know others see these interstellar indications. Signs. Synchronicities. Messages.
I used to just see them also.
But, NOW, I SEIZE THEM.
Observation is a powerful tool.
Those moments…
where I feel myself flying right along with the sands of time;
weaving my Being back and forth through the pinch of the hourglass.
The most power filled moment of our lives, each time it passes.
It is in that pinch of this hourglass that I maximize the knowledge I have from the past
and pull it along with me, going into the future;
making the most of the opportunity.
For my own success.
(Do you receive signs? Messages? Can you see yourself moving through this life? If so, tell me how. I am curious.)
***
MY SUCCESS is defined and measured in healings and execution of healthy boundaries.
Last year, I would have spent MUCH OF THE NIGHT helping a friend.
Regardless of my own needs and if truth be told,
perhaps at the cost of the NOW NEEDS of my own family.
Not because I am neglectful…quite the opposite actually.
In the years prior, I would have spent ALL THE NIGHT plucking the letters to form the words that would maybe, help a friend.
And I would have left feeling empty.
And I would have filled the vacancy with wine, fighting, chaotic choice making, blaming, diverting, spending, overthinking, avoiding…
This does NOT accomplish healing, the act of martyrdom.
(How do you define your success? How do you measure it?)
***
Now.
After traveling through time and space the way I have since *2/2/22,
I discovered the power of taking care of *#1 while tandem, caring for all the other numbers of concerns and people that call on me for my skillset in whatever way they do.
I simply used a mirror.
So as I listed via text, these self-care tips for him (my friend), I then did exactly what I plucked onto the screen.
Sometimes, self-care is doing for yourself, what you do for others:
After the day had introduced the night and the two of us became acquainted,
1. I retracted myself from the outside.
2. I went to the shower.
I let the water tussle the stress, anxiety and negativity of the day
-off of me.
I watched with swelling relief as the effects of adversity faced, rolled away from me in coherent, capsulated drips and drops.
With the eye in mind, I followed them down the drain and lost sight of them as they drifted into a deliberate oblivion.
I trusted the Universe and knew that She would take it to where it belonged and bring it back to me in a positive, more productive form.
Which brings me to my grandmother and all her old wives’ tales…
She told me about this "water practice" when I was a child.
A practice of which now has supporting sciences to prove the efficacy and guess what!?
It worked the same then as it does now, with or without the research.
All I had to do is:
3. Listen to my own lecture.
Which often presents itself to me while I am in or near or of water.
Hence my obsession with the oceans.
After I opened and closed the conversation with self,
4. I thoughtfully dried my body, my vehicle…my temple.
5. I dressed it in simple, warm and comforting clothing.
6. I gently laid it down.
Supine. On the floor.
7. Closed my eyes.
8. I drew myself several long breathes, luring them deeeeep down into my cervix…yes. That is right.
I didn’t stop at my stomach.
You see, my cervix sits so very close to my root chakra.
Where the wounds and the fundamentals of attachment and healing live;
where the effects, or lack thereof, of basic need meeting linger.
9. I allowed the silence to settle in.
To flow from the root of me to the cephalad.
I gave myself permission to make and take up the space – to neutralize the noise that comes with acute or chronic, long-term adversity.
I accepted with love and then released my internal judgments about the extremely unreasonable expectations I hold for myself. And yes. Of others.
Then. I heard my mother.
Not the one I was earthly born to, but the one that mothers us all.
She told me to tap along my collar bone with my fingertips…to my own beat.
Tap, tap tap.
Tap, tap tap
One big Tap followed by two little taps.
Tap, tap tap.
She told me to breath steady and slowly.
As if giving birth.
“This is the way,” she said.
Whilst in my fear, She did not chastise me, instead She reminded me of my power;
how I had brought things to life so many times before.
She told me to repeat:
“Even though I am hard on myself, and I am my own worst critic, I completely and totally accept Myself.”
I don’t know how long I did this.
But when I picked my body up off the floor to put it into bed, I fell asleep and what’s more,
I slept like a baby!
I was up and down all night.
Appearing as a dichotomy;
As contradictory as this may sound, this was a wonderful process to be part of.
Because I learned again, that I was and always will be provided for.
I was hungry: and there was food.
I was scared: and there was comfort.
I was tired: and there was a place to rest.
I was alone: but really, I wasn’t. MY family was in physical form, just down the hall.
I was safe: MY Spirit Guides sat with me all night, without a word. Just a glow.
Somewhere between then and now, I eventually lulled into sleep and I woke with a new view.
Some call this a paradigm shift.
I call it the difficult but powerful side effect of self-care.
It happens a lot for me.
Its profoundness used to startle me.
Once upon a time it made me feel “nuts”.
But alas, I never plan to change who I am. Except for when I am called to.
Then I will shift and transform and find myself transported to the next day.
To do it all again.
To tend to #1.
To keep helping myself and perhaps others, through self-care talk and example.
To continue to be open about it.
Because as we know, through the recent media headlines, those who don’t, are more likely to take themselves out. In one form or another.
And then what happens?
What happens IF number 1 stops?
Where does that leave all the other numbers of order.
***
To heal oneself…you must look in the mirror of those you face, and find yourself in them.
Then you may see.
See that to do for yourself, is to do for all the others.
In the end, we are all the Same.
We are all the Number 1.
We are One.
Listening to your own lecture puts the energy back into the tunnel and allows others who need it to access it,
to hear it,
to see it,
to feel it,
to know it,
to give back to it.
IT being:
The Way.
Sometimes, we call ourselves down for our disorganization in thinking and living.
But there is wisdom in the scattered thoughts, and I declare, there is no shame in the shadows!
For in those spaces, you are the only one who is casting.
See that, and you will find The Way.
I am grateful that my friend texted me his flurry of vulnerable, uncollated, and distressing thoughts.
I was feeling them too. I just didn’t see mine, until I saw his.
This time, he held the observations, and I held the solutions.
We were mere – reflections of each other.
We came together in a safe place to do our business.
If that is not Unity and/or Integration, then what is?
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